Wee! A random post made by me! Just went back from school and there was a chemistry remedial in the comp lab. Thought it started at 10.30 but instead, it started at 10. I was already in school at 8.30 till 10.30 with zaf. When I went up to class, I just realised that I was late! Zzzzz. I was early okay! wasted ah. But nevermind, it was a great lesson. Which means better than the normal lessons. I was abit more clear in electrolysis. I also read up the text on electrolysis. So I am clearer than before. hehehe.

Now I am planning to finish studying electrolysis for CT next week. !!!


COMMON TESTS

I really have no idea that this will happen. It really shocked me. I am sorry that I am not able to do anything to help. Firstly because I am not able to interfere with your family problems and secondly I dont want to get involve in your problem. I am afraid that if I am involved, your problem will get worse,

When I first met you after the day of conflict with our friends, I knew that you were badly injured, It was so obvious till I am disturbed by it. I am sorry friend. I am really sorry to see you in that state.

I LOVE THE WEATHER TODAY! It has been raining and cool wind is blowing gently against my skin. Such a wonderful weather isnt it? Peceful and Relaxing weather. WEEE!!!!

Happy Birthday To my Beloved Friend, NASRIAH!!! as at 5 July 2009

You are getting older as the years pass by. (and preetier too!! >_< ) May this 16th year of your life onwards be filled with success and happiness. I wish you the best of luck for your upcoming O lvls. Moga-moga engkau selamat dunia dan akhirat. Amin.

Okay . I changed my mind. Its not wrong to buy gifts for your friends . I was just taking too much time to express my selfishness part. Yeah, I was selfish. Zzzz... It was perfectly fine to buy gifts okay, lyd. Stop being selfish.

Phew, at last MT Oral was just over ! I told myself not to be nervous but I did. Gosh. I was stammering all the times and it really was not me. That was the first time if I remembered when I did that. Semua perkataan tonggang terbalik seh. But the reading was fine. That's what I think lah. Hopefully can get almost to full marks for reading.The perbualan was about alat muzik yang saya gemari. That was when I start stammering. Gosh ! So shameful ! Then I was faking around about me liking guitar. Haha. Alunan sedaplah. Boleh mengexpresskan perasaan melalui bermain guitarlah. And me talking about liking to hear more of traditional songs. Pathetic seh jawapan aku. I was also crapping about zaman sekarang remaja tidak boleh dipisahkan dengan muzik. because everywhere they go they are with their ipod and stuff. and they function better with muzik when they are doing their work because it involves their right and left brain. Haha . I did put the element of the superteens. HAHAHAHA. Cheh, macam betol je lyd ni. Macam dia tahu gitu... wakakaka

We encounter alot of incidents when I was in tampines mrt and tampines mall. It was so damn funny seh. Ada nyonya ni on the phone with her friend trying to find her friend. Then she was like pointing and shouting to the person in front of her. Rupe-rupenye diorang tk perasaan that they were actually facing each other. Klakar ah makcik. I wonder that is how we will be like when we are old... hmm, it will be so hilarious sehh... Den my friends were like stoning in the middle of the pathway looking at them I could not stop but laughing all the way. Macam tgk wayang ah kite...kwang3!

I don't know why all of a sudden I felt that buying gifts for friends birthday is not worth it. Buying gifts does not mean you will make that person happy. Well, if to be specific, buying a gift does not mean having a better friendship.

 Well, she already have gotten presents from her mum which are much cooler and expensive. Why bother giving her another gift which is not comparable with yours. Yes I know its the thought that counts , but you could give her other stuffs which are more meaningful and it does not even cost any money. Agree??

IFC camp during june is not as fun. I was bored at alomost all the times. But not criticising you people. Its your first time and I can take it lah. Neway, sorry as I was not able to attend the last day of the camp. I was too tired with the night and I want to rest at home. I really could not believe it that I almost freeze to death in the as lab. I could not even have a nice warm sleep. Thanks to my laziness of not bringing a sleeping bag. Me and jo was like opening our eyes now and then. Do you know that we tried sleeping even before most of them got to 'bed' but ended up sleeping much later then them. That is only when I wake up and found out that the temperature was 27 degree. I wonder who increase the temperature. Thanks a lot! Thanks to you at least I was able to sleep for at least 2 hours. slept at around 4.10 ++ after going to toilet with jo. and I decided to sleep with my shoe. That was the first time i did that okay!!!! And my jacket was all over the place for goodness sake. my legs, my body, my hands, my feet. Gosh I got to wash my jacket!!

haha. Hope you guys will do a better job for the IFC camp in december later this year. Wish you guys luck huh.! >_<

tada..I want to sleep already!!!

I seriously do not understand the situation that I am in. Have you guys ever thought about what I think? Hmm, maybe I am too selfish to ask that question. But that is what it seems to be.

You know how it felt to be left out. But have you ever thought about me? You think I am an extra person whereby if no one is with you, I will be your companion. If there's someone you prefer you would be with, I will just be EXTRA. And I will be left alone. Do you know how hurtful it is? However, I know you did not feel that way. But do you know that your actions says more that what you actually think. Even if you meant no harm, you still have to take care of your actions. Because its through your actions people will estimate who you are. Or maybe people will know what type of person you are through your actions. And Do you know how hurtful it was when I read the message you sent to her, " I feel left out biler kau selalu jalan dengan lyd ".

If I didnt build the walls, I would have said this :
Eh, kau ingat aku tak rasa ditinggalkan biler korang dulu selalu tinggalkan aku. Korang tahu tak betapa sakit hati ini. Korang tak tahukan? Macam maner korang nak tahu, setiap kali aku nak cakap sesuatu, korang selalu tak nak dengar. Lepas itu aku dah malas nak layan karenah korang. Lebih baik aku buat semua sendiri.
And for your info, that happened during ifc times. Not only that, korang tak pernah nak bilang aku apa-apa. So whats the use of me?

Yeah. Maybe, I am selfish.

But I did not tell you guys how I used feel. Hence, I started to accept the fact that I am not an important person to you guys. So why bother get hurt over unnecessary stuff like these. It is very tiring. Therefore, I changed myself. I was not bothered by those small little things. And I started to accept the fact that I am a normal person who does not need special attention.

To tell you the truth, I am not being myself. I will usually be a hyper active person when I mix around with friends that I have known for a long time. I will share my feelings with them. But that is not present now. If I do, I feel awkward. I really do not know what else to say.                     

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Do you know that for once in my life, when you two had the misunderstanding, I felt relieved because I came to know that there is someone who really talked to me from their heart. I felt as if I am appreciated and useful. USEFUL. But after you guys had almost solved the problems, I once again felt useless. USELESS. But maybe I am too early to say this. However, I really hope I was wrong.

There was a reason when you express your feelings to me, I was not responding well. I was not giving you any advices. I am sorry. But I could not give you any advices because i have never experience any of them before. I could only lend you my ear. If I did advice on you, most probably it might either make the situation worse or you would be shock on the way i think. Its the best to keep my mouth shut.

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NOW...

I will accept the situation and will not bother about the hard feelings that I felt. I will not dream to be someone special. My first priority is to let you guys feel happier and I will not care how you guys treat me, no matter how bad it is. Its no use creating another misunderstanding for you guys. I dont want this friendship to break up just because of another misunderstanding(me). I will be fine if I get to know that she patches up with another friend and when she does not need me anymore to throw out her feelings. I will be fine.

Even though I will feel very hurt, I dont want my selfishness to ruin everything. Everything will be fine to the very bare eyes of typical people...

LESSON LEARNT:
- Be careful of your actions. It will have a hurtful impact on those around you
- Dont make assumptions without prove. It will start a misunderstanding
- If you have a problem, dont let the people around you get affected. They are innocent!

 I am very sorry my dear friends. I am not able to type out my feelings in blogger. I am not able to publicize my feelings there. I am not comfortable when you guys read my post.

For the first instance I made a blog is for you guys to find out my blog without me telling you my link. But when one of you found my blog, I began to get worried. I began to hesitate whether I should continue to blog my own feelings or not. I began to feel uncomfortable. I did edit some post so that you could not read what my feelings were. It felt as if I was not free to type whatever feelings that I wanted to release. After sometime, I decided to post in blog drive. It was safer though not user friendly.

How I wish you know my true feelings...

Hello Earthlings! I need more time to get used to this...